what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Someone shattered a urinal.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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