I think I won the penis lottery.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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