new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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