Im at strip club and am horny
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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