i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
