Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
