$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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