is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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