Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
