I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
