I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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