Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
