No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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