Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
please come you make the beer taste better
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
