Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You don't make any sense
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