i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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