M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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