Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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