now i know why i became what i already was.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
