i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
