i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
