I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
