New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
