you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
