I can tuck mytits in my pants
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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