did you get engaged???
Ambien. No doubt about it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
