five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
