oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
