I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I bet he comes in French.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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