fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize