First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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