On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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