The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
