We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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