I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
