speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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