My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
