in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
