I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
