hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize