girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
