he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize