apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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