they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
