You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
