how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i drank out of a bidet.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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