I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
