so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think my moral compass just broke
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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