billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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