I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
