Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
