Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
