I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Vodka?
Forever.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
