I just cut my nipple shaving
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
