Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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