i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
