I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
