How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
