Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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