tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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