it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
