3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
