Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
