My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I want to have your abortion
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
