Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
