His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
