Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
