and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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