I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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