someone threw a dead crab at me
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If I had your ass I would rule the world
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
