im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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