Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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