piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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