what day is it and did you see me today?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
