I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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