How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
