Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize