i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
