it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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