her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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