Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
