Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My life is pants optional.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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