i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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