Umm I'm too high to move.
Buhtt sex?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Watching her eat just hurts me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
