We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
