And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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