one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
