Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
