how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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