When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
