I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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