OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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