It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
