Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
