Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
